21 August 2008

Breakfast of this "Champion"

First off, although this post isn't going to be a "bare all" post per se, it is going to be a post that is brutally honest. You have now been fairly warned...

My doctor says that I have "classic OCD depression". That was probably a contributing factor to me developing an eating disorder at about the age of 10 years old that was anorexic/bulimic in nature as it involved starvation/extreme dieting (for more of the story click here).

Even at the age of 41 years old, I still find myself shunning food throughout the daylight hours just because I'm completely interested in something else that seems more "fun". And trust me... this behavior hasn't made me skinny AT ALL. In fact, quite the opposite, because my metabolism has slowed down so dramatically from decades of being in "starvation mode". It is a sad fact (confirmed by my doc) that I probably will never see my ideal weight. Despite great strides on my part over the past 2 years to eat nutritiously and to eat the proper amount of food throughout the day, I have lost only a fraction of the amount of weight that I would need to lose to be my "ideal" weight. It's a reality that I'm still coming to grips with.

Even though my intelligent mind knows all of this, I struggle with my OCD as soon as I wake up in the morning. All the possibilities for the day race through my head at lightning speed. And none of those possibilities includes eating breakfast or lunch. If I'm not careful, I could go until about 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and then come to the realization that the reason why I feel nauseated is because I haven't eaten anything all day. Interestingly, the only time I'm interested in eating food is after 5 o'clock in the evening (still haven't figured out that one).

Anyway... for me, breakfast has to be as quick as possible or it won't get consumed. Fortunately, there is something wonderful called "Carnation Instant Breakfast". I can mix it and drink it in less than 5 minutes and still get the nutrients I need for the beginning of my day. It would be much better if I would sit down and have a healthy whole-grain "something" with an organic "something" on the side and maybe a cup of nutritious "something" as a chaser but I know myself better than that. I know that if I self impose that sort of requirement I'll just end of "forgetting" to eat in lieu of going off and doing something else more "fun"--gardening, art, design, writing, computer geek stuff, vacuuming... anything but eating.

Now if only someone made "instant lunch" then I'd be set. ;)

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